Face readings & what your eyes (don't) tell

So I was waiting for Darren at Lido McCafe today. (why am I early?). This middle age Chinaman came up to me. I cannot put my finger on the physical difference between a Chinese from China and a local Chinese. We are all Chinese. But Somehow, you can distinguish between a local and a Chinaman.

My first impression was that he will be asking for a light.

"You are going to have a good future in the stock market. I can see from your facial features that you will have a good financial career. I can read your future. $10 for a reading.”

Before I could answer.

“Before you answer, imagine I can tell you those just like that. There is so much more a can tell you. For a nominal fee, you will know how to make those desires happen!”

In a split second:
[I don’t know how much longer Darren will take.
This guy is attempting to rip me off.
I know what he is going to say will have no basis.
I’m sitting here with nothing to do.
Maybe I should buy some jade.
I have to pay my bills.
Spurs beat Inter Milan. Ghaly looks good.
Shumi is going to kick Alonso’s ass.
Israel has stopped their strikes on Lebanon(at least for a couple of days)
But hey! For entertainment and a good laugh, why not?
Maybe he will tell me how a I can be President.]

*Fact: The mind has more processing power than all the super computers in the world put together.

Me: “$5! Take it or leave it” (I know he will agree)

Chinaman: “Hey how can you put a $5 price on your future. Lets not take this as a discount but as you only buying half the information that I will give you. Just that I will tell you EVERYTHING!” (he would make a great marketer)

Entertainment before the money! That’s already a good pre-sales strategy!

C: “$5 please” What am I doing? This guy is ripping me off! But lets see what kind of entertainment he will give me.

M: “Here” (with an extreme stare and smirk) I’m making sure that he knows that I think he will be full of crap.

C: “Now that I have a better look at you, no, you are not suitable for the financial sector (there goes my holdings). But you will become a successful businessman in a couple of years. You have a boss’s life.”

M: “What industry?”

C: “You are impatient. I can tell from your features. (damn! my eyebrows probably gave it away. Should have kept my poker face) You will succeed in the engineering industry. (WHAT!?) You must be studying engineering in 1 of the Universities. (i take that as a compliment for someone in his late 20s) Don’t worry you will do well. Just don’t’ stress yourself too much. (is this going anywhere?)

M: “But I don’t do engineering”

C: cutting me off “Yes but you will excel in this kind of business. You should definitely pick it up if you want to be successful. (is that a routine response or what!?) And your love life will be wholesome.” (great. he’s changing the subject)

M: “Wait. So I should go into engineering to succeed in life. Is that what you are saying?” (I raised my eyebrows)

C: he noticed my eyebrow movement! (intriguing) “It is really up to you to decide, I cannot ask you to do what you don’t want to do. But…. If you go into it, you will not face any financial problems.” (I’ve just been down-graded from successful businessman to no financial problems)

M: “So what about my love life?”

C: “I can see that you are waiting for your girlfriend at the moment. (hahahhah) This is the one that you should consider settling down with. She must be an independent career woman.” (so im an engineering student dating a career woman! Life doesn’t get better than this!)

He went on with this crap for around 10 minutes without getting anywhere. (so what new?) And asked me if I wanted him to feng shui my house. (this is going too far!)

M: “Oh, feng shui you are saying. What are the interacting elements for today?”

He was stumped!

C: “Yes. The elements are important for feng shui in any house. I can determine the layouts for your furniture. Where to place the alter. The dragon tortoise…..”

M: “What are the interacting elements today?” I cut him off. (this time I raised only 1 eyebrow. Maybe I can work some NLP on him. wait, I don’t’ know the elements for today!)

This was fast becoming a battle between our eyes. My eyes were throwing everything at him.

And unlike most people, I don’t exclude the kitchen sink.

Credit to him as his eyes did not even attempted to get out of the way!

In fact, he opened them wider! As if trying to deflect my blows back to me. (tai chi, a worthy opponent indeed)

They were taking in all the impact from my intensive onslaught. It was turning out to be a classic battle.

C: “Yes. The elements are important for feng shui in any house. I can determine the layouts for your furniture. Where to place the alter. The dragon tortoise…..” (he was in playback mode. Maybe his dragon tortoise is playing tricks on him)

M: “Yes! The dragon tortoise! And the elements today are earth and metal.” (my turn to crap. Maybe this will get interesting)

C: “You are right!!! Alright. Anyway, you are going to be a successful businessman. Now in feng shui you should repay your benefactor. So when you become successful, remember me and give me a little commission. Here is my card. I have an important feng shui appointment. Take care comrade.”

Where the hell is Darren!? We have “Project: Global Domination” to discuss. And Camara is already waiting for me at Suntec.

I’m actually disappointed that this guy did not give me a more “realistic” analysis. I would feel much better if he managed to convince me that he really knows his stuff (real or unreal). Basically I don’t even feel that he was trying. (talk about service standards being a big issue here)

Ok. Some things to note. I don’t believe in face readings. I don’t believe that facial features can reveal people’s future. There is absolutely no way. And I’ll tell you why.

In my learner years of feng shui quest, (will never stop learning) I’ve came across a great master who talked about facial features telling about a person. One of those points is that a flawless complexion will mean a life of prosperity and success without hardship or adversity. Is it only me that thinks that does not make any sense at all?! I have seen people with flawless complexion go through hardship and adversity. Not much more needs to be said.

If any life-reading buskers are reading this, please pull your act together. Although people know that a clown is actually played by a working man, they pay to see the clown. Not the man.

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